I'm pretty sure this is present in all RPF. In bandom, there is a FUCKLOAD of wife/girlfriend-bashing just because, like you said, they get in the way of Dude 1 and Dude 2's (sometimes more) ~*ONE TRUE MANLOVE*~. People can't seem to understand that this AWESOME GUY who we like enough to write fic about isn't awesome enough to fall in love with a woman. There's a lot of heterophobia in slash fandom from people who are silly enough to consider GUY LOVE more "real" than het. (Also: "het" is often labeled as a kink. And sometimes a warning! WHAT.) I mean, understandably, if you're writing/reading slash, you really like male/male pairings, but since the overwhelming majority of fandom are female, usually heterosexual (although there is a huge number of lesbians in bandom, a primarily slash fandom, which I think is awesome and hilarious). And there's a lot of internalized misogyny and sexism, which is pretty fucking upsetting. But luckily there are a lot of really amazing, smart, non gender-faily writers in bandom and it's not only total wankbrains. In my opinion, these awesome guys are clearly into these ladies because these ladies are also awesome! And it's great when we can get to "know" the wives and write/read fic about them, because hey, guess what? They are awesome!