i haven't talked about this before. i have very strong feelings about this, and i don't even really know the whole story, but sometimes i find myself shaking with anger over the situation and i just--i finally have to let it all out.

a while ago, a good fandom friend of mine, 8ways, decided to bow out of fandom. she deleted her journal and froze her tumblr, and has since disappeared off the face of the map.

there were people in the Glee fandom bullying her to no end over a story she wrote for the Kurt/Blaine holiday exchange (almost six months ago now). these people bothered her relentlessly over it, making her fic into a running joke. i know it upset her. i won't pretend to know if this was her reason for leaving; there may have been real-life demands that required her to step away from fandom, but i have my suspicions that at least part of that decision was related to the treatment she received from certain parts of fandom.

and it pisses me the fuck off.

8ways was my friend. she supported me when i was completely new to the Glee fandom, always commenting so sweetly on my stories. she herself wrote wonderful stories. as a matter of fact, she was actually writing a remix based off of one of my stories; a bit of glee and bliss i carried with me during low-points in my life and writing process. she was going to write a story that i will in all likelihood never get to read, and i know she had so many other stories to share with the fandom, stories that we are going to miss out on. that fact? it destroys me whenever i think about it.

i hate that some enormous, anonymous asshats within fandom--for a show that is filled with joy and fucking glee!--might have driven a friend of mine out of it through the very behaviour that is so obviously present and abhorrent in the very show we claim to love. i hate that i might not ever get to speak to her again. the very fact that i cannot credit her properly in this post, because her journal has been deleted, absolutely pisses me off.

even if her reasons for bowing out are completely separate to this issue, it still pisses me off. that behaviour was ridiculous, and she should never have had to endure it. but i suspect that this ordeal was an enormous factor in her decision, since she basically deleted herself from Kurt/Blaine history. if you search the Kurt/Blaine community for her username now, you can't find her stories. i can't read her stories ever again.

i hate it.

8ways, my darling, if you ever read this: please, please come back. you are wonderful. your stories were wonderful.

i miss you all the fucking time.

Canada is now governed by a Conservative majority leadership. This means Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister, will have four years to irreparably damage our country until it is unrecognizable, and maybe then people will actually give a shit.

I don't understand how his party could be re-elected when they have undermined the Constitution time and time again. This party is pro-military. They want to spend money we don't have on fighter jets, and increase spending on crime even though crime rates have dropped. The party has slashed arts funding, as well as funding for women's groups, gay rights groups, and single-parent families.

I worry about the state of this country. How bad does it have to be for people to care? Will we wait until laws are changed to criminalize abortion? To have harsh sentences for smoking marijuana? To have the death penalty instated? I honestly don't think these are far stretches.

And we're going to get fixed election dates, which means we'll be stuck with a bullshit party instead of being able to call a goddamn election when we need one.

Maybe I'll move when I'm done with school.

There are rumours flying around the internet that Blaine, the newest addition to Glee, might be questioning his sexuality in an upcoming episode.

When this rumour first broke a few days ago I was extremely flippant about it. After all, every bit of press for Blaine on Glee has raved about how he's a confident gay teen, and how refreshing that is for television.

I mean, why fuck with that potential?

I'm still taking the rumour with a grain of salt, but Perez Hilton just posted the story as well, so I'm starting to get anxious.

If this does turn out to be true, I very much doubt I'll be able to keep watching. They could have any of the characters on the show question their sexuality; how about one of the well-known straight guys? If they decide to go with Blaine, of all people, I will be so fucking angry.

Because I've started to really like Glee! I love Kurt and Blaine, and the friendship and potential romance they're straddling right now. I love the community I've been participating in since Blaine first appeared on the show, and I would be sad to see any of that end, but...

I genuinely don't think I'll be able to stomach this complete bullshit of a storyline.

RYAN MURPHY, PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS.

Dear anti-smoking individual,

As a matter of fact, I have been living under a rock my entire life and have never before heard this fact: smoking is bad for you!

You know what else isn't good for you?

Working constantly.
Eating junk food.
Getting too much sun.
Not getting enough sun.
Stepping outside your house when the air quality's shit.
Smog.
Too much alcohol.
Too much sex.
Anxiety and worry.
Not having health coverage.
Having an unhelpful, apathetic math teacher.
Being poor.
Some medications.

There are a ridiculous amount of activities and factors that can be bad for us as human beings, some of which we are helpless to, some of which we consciously choose, despite knowing the risks involved.

Yes, we know smoking's bad for us. We've seen the same PSAs and read the same pamphlets. We see the cigarette pack warnings every time we open our pack of smokes, and moreover we hear it from every supposedly well-meaning person who sees fit to remind us that smoking is bad for us.

We know. And yet we smoke.

Go ahead and analyze the psychology behind smokers continuing to participate in a bad habit/activity, but please don't act like you're better than that. When you forgo wearing sunblock so you can get a nice tan, or when you eat junk food even though you know it's high in sodium and sugar, you're essentially saying, "I know the risks of doing this, but right now I don't care."

It's not from a lack of information that we continue doing the things we know are bad for us. But look, we tried it one day and liked it, so we tried it again and before long it developed into a habit we use to cope during stressful times; to calm our anxieties. This can be applied to many (if not most) people within a variety and number of activities and habits. Certainly smoking is not a health way of dealing with shit, but it's really not anyone else's business. It's no more my business what you do to stay calm while studying or finishing an assignment than my smoking is to you.

Now, I actually appreciate that my close friends who do not smoke may wish for me to quit smoking and even say so. Their concern is sweet. Not so sweet are the rude slants made against me by virtual strangers and passersby on the street when they see me smoking. I'll never understand what makes a person feel they have the right to call me out when they don't even know me.

This very weekend I spent a full day at school with one hundred students, all of whom are in my program of study. For nine hours we played ice-breaker and team dynamic activities, and shared our respective cultures with each other. It was an interesting and enlightening experience.

During a fifteen minute break some of us went outside for a cigarette break, and when we returned one of the leaders shouted, for the entire room to hear, "SMOKERS!"

Similarly, when I raised my hand to respond to a discussion topic, the leader called on me with a shout of, "Yes, smoker?"

And finally, a fellow student I had never even spoken to felt it necessary call out to my friend and I as we passed, "The smokers!"

By the end of the day I was nearly shaking with anger. Why?

BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING RUDE.

Please don't consider it your place to call out a smoker, in public, in private -- at all. Unless you have some history with him or her, you really have no right or business saying those things. I'm not blowing smoke in your face, or forcing you to participate; I'm not walking around shouting, "I JUST WENT FOR A SMOKE, LOSERS!" I am merely partaking in a personal decision which has nothing to do with you.

Kindly keep your comments to yourself.

Thank you very much,
A smoker.

So, I guess this is a bit late, what with Chris Brown's tearful BET performance being nearly a week ago. But I want to say something anyway, because that's just how I roll.

( Kinda tl;dr, and possibly triggering to victims of domestic violence. Read with caution... )

I think I have nearly completed my Integrative Project! I figure I've got another 500 words to write and then this baby's finished! I just wanted to share this news with you because it's been a major work-in-progress for the last month and a half. I can't wait to be done with it!

After that I've got an essay due on Fight Club, and then I'll be a couple weeks away from the end of the semester. Can't wait. I'll be able to focus on my Psych fic and give it the love it deserves.

I went grocery shopping on Thursday and now I have food in my apartment. Man, I love food. I bought some vegetable hummus and it is incredibly delicious.

Tangent: Know what pisses me off? There's this guy on American Idol this season called Adam Lambert who is quite talented and awesome, and he happens to be gay. All over YouTube, people are like, "gay or not, he is awesome". I know the internet is full of stupid and I should probably just ignore it, but goddamn it, what the fuck does that have to do with anything? Ugh.

I should really get some sleep right about now. It's two in the morning, I'm exhausted, and yet I'm still sitting in front of my computer instead of getting some much-needed shuteye.

You know when you get that feeling in your throat? You know, where it starts to hurt to swallow and your nose starts to stuff up and you can just feel the fucking cold comin' on? Yeah, that's been the majority of my evening. I worked a few hours, and it was just fucking awful. I almost cried it was so frustrating. I just... hate calling assholes when I'm not feeling well. Why'd this have to start in the middle of my March Break? Fuck you, shitty immune system. Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery.

(In case you're counting, this is Cold No. 2 of 2009.)

I am working a ~delightful six hour shift tomorrow, which should prove to be... oh, entirely nightmarish. There's only so many times I can hear, "Sorry, not interested", before I get the overwhelming, nearly irresisible urge to shout, "Yeah? You and everyone else I've talked to today, Fuckface. But you have a nice day anyway!" Fuck I hate my job. I can't wait for the summer when I can get a new one.



OH, AND CAN I JUST ASK WHY THE FUCK I HAVE TO STARE AT THIS GOOGLE RACHAELRAY ADVERTISEMENT ABOUT CURING WRINKLES? FIRST THERE WAS THE SELF-ESTEEM-DAMAGING-LOSE-WEIGHT-YOU-FATTY AD, AND NOW IT'S THE YOU'RE-A-FUCKING-OLD-AND-WRINKLED-UGLY-BITCH AD! FUCK OFF, LJ. WHEN I CUSTOMIZED MY ADVERTISEMENTS, I'M PRETTY SURE I DIDN'T CLICK A "BOMBARD ME WITH NOT-SO-SUBTLE HINTS ABOUT HOW TO IMPROVE MY APPARENTLY ALL TOO DISGUSTING SELF, PLEASE" BUTTON.

God, I really need some sleep (and maybe a cure for the common cold?)...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzgnite

EDIT: Great! According to another Google ad, I'm just a few clicks away from finding an interracial relationship online! Not an African boyfriend, but an interracial relationship. Screw the actual guy! Pass me the past (and unfortunately still too current) social taboo, please!!!!